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Come on, you only lost your mind

Updated: Dec 5, 2020

Pete and I are what I call 'audiophiles'; but upon further research, the term isn’t accurate. We don’t care about the quality of the delivery of music. We care about music. Music always playing. Music as a discussion point. Music as a Venn diagram of our relationship. Music as philosophy. Maybe we are music junkies?


We tend to our music affliction as most junkies tend to their sickness, by denying that the need consumes our time and money while continuing to dive right in. Maybe we can spin it as we are music connoisseurs? Can you give yourself that title?


Pete and I have some classical music training if you can call playing in the high school band a music education. Sousa, Miller, and Tchaikovsky. What it lacked in sophistication it owned in diversity. But we don’t listen to marches, big band, or classical. We listen to rock. Or some variant form of it such as indie, grunge, garage, mood, electronic, ambient, alternative, jam band. It is these genres that complicate the Venn diagram. Not all genres are in the communal intersection.


Spotify informed me the other day that I listened to 34,649 minutes of music in 2020. 577 hours. 11 hours a week. I also have my other music delivery methods. I have a very old Ipod that I listen to in my car. It serves as a music archive for me, dispersing a music taste that is more than a decade old.


But enough about my music addiction, I type, as my music blares in the background. I came here to write about madness.


Come on, you only lost your mind…


OK. I’m a liar. I’m going to construct a few more sentences about music. Some of us are moved by notes and rhythm. Some of us are moved by lyrics. I am the latter. Lyrics matter to me. I discern what I hear and make a personal connection to the interpreted words. Lyrics can make or break a song for me. So, when we randomly researched UK bands and found the band Everything Everything, Pete’s reaction to the high falsetto of the singer was a deal breaker for him while I found the lyrics beguiling.


Beguiling enough to listen to their latest discography again and again... just like a junkie. I was singing to the first track, “Lost Powers”, as I drove to pick up takeout and I choked back a strong emotional reaction to the lyric:

Come on, you only lost your mind…


I couldn’t sing the words. They emerged as a croak as tears streamed down my face. I tried again as the verse repeats. The words literally stuck in my throat. It was like a stranger saw a truth in me. A truth that I had yet to notice.

Come on, you only lost your mind…


At this point, I am reminded of the story of the Goddess Kali, known to some as the dark mother or mother of the universe. While I cannot profess the tale I am about to spin can withstand the test of research, it is the version that was first related to me.


Kali was in a fierce battle and beside her was her consort. They fought side by side for hours and as Kali killed more and more of the enemy, she lost herself to blood lust. She started killing everyone. She could no longer see good from evil, friend from foe. All she could see was the job to be done. Kill. Kill. Kill. Blood clouded her vision.

But come on, she only lost her mind…


She was about to behead her consort and lover, who was under her foot when she woke from her madness. Like blinking off a bad dream, she was reborn to herself. In this classically dark Hindu tale, Kali represents losing perspective. I have used her image as a reminder that I can become focused on the wrong thing. I can be blinded from seeing the full spectrum of reality. And I’m drawn to dark imagery. The darker the better. It is a minor fault.


But, come on, I have only lost my mind…

Yes. I have lost it. I maintain a fully functional exterior while being completely off my rocker inside. And who isn’t? This year is unimaginable. People sick. People dying. No, that is fake news. Don’t wear a mask. Wash your hands. WEAR A MASK. Don’t tell me what to do. Teenage cashiers being deemed essential. Entire industries laid to waste in nine months. People hungry and homeless. False claims of election fraud. A lack of action and civility in government. How did this all become our new normal? And who will we emerge to be? For all my runes and tarot cards, I can’t predict. I can barely see past telling my elderly mother that I won’t be visiting at Christmas and possibly not for her 80th birthday. But hey, I am grateful that she is still here for me to disappoint.


I get smaller everyday…

Another lyric from the same song and I know that is true as well. I was fierce once. Adventurous. Am I still this woman? I feel the rooms getting smaller. This band is killing me softly with their song.


But I keep sliding down the well…

WAIT. Snap out of it. I refuse to slide down the well. I like dark imagery but this has gone too far. Words are intentions. Words are power. Let’s switch the track.


And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree

There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Let it be, let it be

Yeah, there will be an answer

Let it be



*additional music "connoisseur" stuff…

Everything Everything is a British rock band and there 2020 album “Re-animator” has been a great listen for me and bane to Pete’s ears. We frequently find bands by listening to Spotify radio stations of bands we like. We do seem to have a bent for British rock as we both love the Doves' 2020 release “Universal Want” and pretty much the entire Elbow music catalogue. We found Everything Everything through an internet dive into how popular the Doves were in Britain. Bringing new music into our Venn diagram is both a hobby and life sustaining pursuit. Looking for a different activity to fill your evening? We call this game “Pick a year”. Easy enough or so it seems. Let’s say Pete picks 1991. The game is to full up the music queue with songs from 1991. Occasionally, arguments ensue as not all songs that were hits in one year are actually from that year. So, for 1991, I’d definitely go with “Losing my Religion” by REM as my opener. “The Unforgiven” by Metallica would be a future choice. We both cheat by referencing google but the point of the game isn’t to win. It is to listen.


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